Laura's Thoughts...

So my day started out wonderfully...eight hours of medicated sleep, lunch and a wonderful nap with the person who means the most to me in the world, and a very interesting field trip. On the way home from the field trip, my mood changed a bit. I am a little strange with it comes to loud noises....I HATE THEM!! And one of my biggest pet peeves is when people fight for the "talking stick." I can't stand to hear more than one person at a time, and I thought I was going to go CRAZY!! So...needless to say...I was a bit ill when I got back home. But I called my sweet baboo, and we had a great dinner together, lost a freakin' soccer game, and went back to blount. We sat with Genevieve and Ryan and Lindsey and Andrew for a while and talked...that was fun..then we went and saved one of Whitney's friends from a "sketchy situation..." that was funny...then I cuddled and kissed the love of my life for a while, and then I had to say goodbye to him. This is always the worst part of my day, but today it was worse...I didn't want him to leave me. That sounds cheesy, but it's true. I missed him the moment he was out of my sight, and I went straight to my room, but then I had the bright idea to get on myspace and write on Gav's wall. Well...I found a note that he wrote to a friend....a friend that he was once in love with...that said a lot of stuff about being happy about her being engaged...blah blah blah... and about having broken up with his girlfriend a while back because of blah blah blah reasons...but he mentioned NOTHING about me. I don't know why this bothered me so badly, but I cried and cried. Finally, when I talked to him, I realized that i had blown everything out of proportion. I guess right now in my life, I'm really just not happy with who I am; therefore, I take it out on him quite often. He is so good to me all of the time, and he makes me so incredibly happy, but I just go CRAZY sometimes. After we talked for a while, I was feeling really badly about myself, and I went back to sit with my friends. I didn't tell them about the incident, but I did talk to them about how badly I felt about myself, and how I didn't find myself attractive, and about how I just wanted to change. Genevieve made me feel so much better about myself. She's wonderful. Well..now that I can't talk to my baboo any more tonight...I really wish I could. I miss his voice and his touch. I can't wait to see him tomorrow. Oh how I love being in love...
I guess this night hasn't ended as badly as it began. I love you, Gav!! You're amazing!

I wonder when it will all end. Whenever I used to have days like today...days when I didn't want to see anyone or talk to anyone...days when I just wanted to sit alone and cry for hours...On days like these I used to have my mother..my mother to comfort me, and reasure me that she's my biggest fan. But not now...somehow our relationship has changed....somehow we aren't best friends anymore...somehow I'm not the same person to her anymore. "She's my stronghold..she's my wings...she's my best friend..." Those were always the words everyone heard from me all throughout elementary school, middle school, high school...but not now...where are you mommy?

Yesturday while I was eating with Gavin in the Fresh Food...I lay my eyes on an old friend...someone with whom I used to have so much fun...someone with whom I would talk for hours and laugh and make up silly songs...but I ruined our relationship...and I regret it so much now...if I could only turn back time...

On a lighter note...I had a pretty spectacular dream last night. I dreamed that Gav proposed and that we were going to get married...but that was only the beginning...I dreamed that my friends had a candlelight for me...something that I would only get if I were to stay in the sorority. That is the only thing I am going to miss I think....the opportunity to have a candlelight and to tell the story of our love...

Tomorrow is mine and Gav's 6 month anniversary. I am so excited because I have something pretty awesome for him! He deserves everything...and I am going to do my best for the rest of my life to give it to him!! I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SPRING BREAK!! Lindsey and I are going on a road trip!! I am so glad i met Lindsey, Genevieve and Whitney. Seeing them daily reminds me about God's grace....just because of their inner and outer beauty! I love them so much!!

Lunch was really good today. Gav and I sat with Genevieve, Ryan, Lindsey, and 3 of their friends. The only thing that really bothered me was when one of the guys said that he hated Christianity. I wanted to jump up and ask him how the hell he could hate something that was given to him out of love...it made me really sad. Regretably...I said nothing. Genevieve did though...and I really appreciated it. She is so strong...I wish I could be that strong.

"When time was young we walked the coast together...when love was sweet I meant the world to you...now comes the sun we'll say goodbye forever and tear drops will kiss the morning dew"

Every day...it seems to become easier and easier for my heart to define love...but how can i put that in words? I feel love...I see love...but I cannot seem to describe it in words. All i know is that it's amazing to be in love...and some days...I just long to sit with you and pray...and hold hands while listening to every amazing song that reminds me of all of the amazing times we've spent together.

It's so good to be alive. Sometimes I forget why I'm alive, though. I continuously have to remind myself of the Grace of God. Why is this? Is it my style of life at the moment? Is it the way I'm living? I think that's mostly it. Why am I living, anyway? Am I living for myself, or for my amazing creator? Having to ask these questions should be the first bad sign....

Laura Loves Gavin, but the question remains, can Gavin love her more? Scientific evidence says no. Gavin's heart would explode if he did, Says Dr Zeus PhD. The pressure that would be placed on the heart would cause the heart to literally implode. Studies have shown that Laura Loves Gavin as much as anyone can love someone without actually causing their heart implode. The effects of this would no doubt be deadly. Exercise does not aid in the strength of love someone can handle because love is not handled by the muscles that pump the heart. Dr's have studied why the effect of more love would actually cause this effect (implosion) and still have inconclusive conflicting evidence. No doubt in the future they will know just why this is the case. All studies conclude that Laura Loves Gavin just as much as ANY HUMAN can love something or someone.

Now it's proven!! BEAT THAT!

Anyway...my day was pretty good. I've determined that I don't sleep. That's all there is to it! This morning, I woke up and went to class, where I turned in my first paper...the one that WASN'T VERY GOOD AT ALL!! And I found out that I have a test in that class on Thursday...yikes! I'm trying to decide what to do this weekend...Gavin really wants to go home, and I really want to go with him...but Mardi Gras would be fun too! My sister invited me, Gavin, Andrew, and Matt...and whoever else wants to go...to Mobile's Mardi Gras for the weekend. After I thought about it for a while...I think I would rather either go home with Gav or stay here in t-town and relax...both of us have a lot to do for next week anyways...

I can't wait until this weekend though...I really need a break! I'm going to bed now!

I decided to get live journal for lots of reasons...mostly because I'm not very good at expressing the way i feel in words; therefore, I like to write it. Today was a good day just like most others. I am completely in love. I thought at a few times before that I was in love, but I had NO IDEA what love was until I met Gav. He is amazing. I have amazing friends, too!! friends who I can count on....even though I only met them a very short while ago. I stayed up until 3:45 because I was procrastinating, but it was worth it. I finally got my papers done, and I'm actually kind of proud of them. I'm very tired, but for some reason, I want to stay awake. I prefer to take naps than to sleep at night! I think I'm going to go see what Andrew is doing...